Organizational Consultation

Conflict is a natural and normal aspect of any relationship, especially significant relationships. While our most significant relationships are usually our most intimate ones, we can care very deeply about what happens at work and in community organizations. Indeed, we often spend more time at work than at home.

The perspectives and tools of Creative Conflict Resolution (which are elucidated in the portion of this site dedicated to the book Just Conflict) are just as applicable to corporations and faith communities as they are to small groups like families. While the resources the Center has available for organizations are tailor made for the situation in question, they tend to fall into two types:

• training in conflict resolution, and
• facilitation of efforts to address a specific conflict.

In many interventions a combination of these two roles may be necessary.

Training in Conflict Resolution

In the long run it is more effective to teach someone to fish than it is to give them a fish. Conflicts are arising all of the time in all of our relationships and the better a community is at naming, addressing, and resolving whatever conflicts may arise, the more creative will be the collective action of the community. We all resolve conflict on a daily basis, but when a particularly big conflict arises we find ourselves feeling uncertain about our ability to resolve it. Indeed, we may decide that this is a conflict which cannot be resolved.

It is the fundamental premise of Creative Conflict Resolution that all conflicts can be resolved. It is true that we cannot change others. When we cannot see a way to transform ourselves such that we are generating what we need, we see the situation as hopeless. Consultation with communities in crisis over conflict is about helping the parties discover what they each need and fashioning strategies which will move them toward what they need without depending on others changing. More…

Facilitation in addressing conflict

Sometimes a crisis has risen to such a level that the parties cannot afford the luxury of a protracted course in conflict resolution skills. Something must be resolved now. In these circumstances Dr. Robinson is available to work with the polarized parties to help them each see how they can shift their perspective on the problem such that they can again work together to create the best interests of the whole organization.

This is not mediation in the usual sense of the word. This is not dispute arbitration wherein a legally binding formal agreement is hammered out. This is a process of all the parties coming to see what their common interests are and voluntarily coming to an agreement which meets everyone’s needs.

What Dr. Robinson brings to the table is a neutral stance toward the conflict itself and a deep understanding of how conflicts can be resolved along with a personal ability to provide a “non-anxious presence” to support all positions being heard respectfully.  More..

Site Map for Just Conflict components

Components

1. Disciplines

1. Bothers Me Log - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/discipline-1-bothers-me-journal.html

2. Anger Workout - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/2-anger-workout.html

3. Inviting Critical Feedback - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/3-critical-feedback.html

4. Suspending Self-Soothing - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/4-self-soothing.html

5. Self Care Routine - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/5-self-care.html

6. ACE - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/6-ace.html

7. Statement of Accountability - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/7-statement-of-accountability.html

8. Apology and Forgiveness - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/apology-and-forgiveness.html

9. Framework for Creative Conflict Resolution - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/framework.html

10. Conflict Resolution Meeting - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict-resolution-meeting.html

2. Distinctions

Five Crucial

2.1.1. Feelings from Behavior - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/feelings-from-behavior.html

2.1.2. Event from Effect - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/event-from-effect.html

2.1.3. Effect from Cause - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/effect-from-cause.html

2.1.4. Need from Want - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/need-from-want.html

2.1.5. What we can do from what we cannot do - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/can-do-from-cannot-do.html

Others

2.2.1. Agreements and Understandings - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/agreements-and-understanding.html

2.2.2. Being and Doing - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/being-and-doing.html

2.2.3. Being angry and Having anger - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/being-angry-and-having-anger.html

2.2.4. Believing and Believing In - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/believing-and-believing-in.html

2.2.5. Change and Transformation - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/change-and-transformation.html

2.2.6. Conflict from Fight - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict-from-fight.html

2.2.7. Differentiation and Integration from Dissociation and Fusion - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/differentiation.html

2.2.8. Expectations and Standards - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/expectations-and-standards.html

2.2.9. Feelings and Emotions - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/feelings-and-emotions.html

2.2.10. Hurt and Harm - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/hurt-and-harm.html

2.2.11. Reacting and Responding - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/reacting-and-responding.html

2.2.12. Responsibility and Accountability - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/responsibility-and-accountability.html

2.2.13. Simple and Easy - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/simple-and-easy.html

2.2.14. Subject and Object - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/subject-and-object.html

3. Glossary

1. Abuse - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/abuse.html

2. Accountability - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/accountability.html

3. Agreements - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/agreements.html

4. Anger - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/anger.html

5. Anxiety - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/anxiety.html

6. Apology - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/apology.html

7. Assertiveness - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/assertiveness.html

8. Blame (fault) - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/blame.html

9. Center of gravity culturally - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/center-of-gravity.html

10. Centering - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/centering.html

11. Cognitive Distortions - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/cognitive-distortions.html

12. Cognitive maps - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/cognitive-maps.html

13. Compliance - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/compliance.html

14. Conflict - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict.html

15. Control - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/control.html

16. Culture - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/culture.html

17. Demands - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/demands.html

18. Discipline - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/discipline.html

19. Distinction - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/distinction.html

20. Dominance - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/dominance.html

21. Emotions: data and energy - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/emotion.html

22. Energy: physical and emotional - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/energy.html

23. Esuba - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/esuba.html

24. Expectations - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/expectations.html

25. Family of Origin and Generativity - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/family.html

26. Feelings: data and energy - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/feelings.html

27. Fiduciary relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/fiduciary.html

28. Focus of attention - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/focus.html

29. Forgiveness - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/forgiveness.html

30. Gender - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/gender.html

31. Healthy (and Healing) - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/healthy.html

32. Hurt - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/hurt.html

33. Intimacy - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/intimacy.html

34. Justice - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/justice.html

35. Lines of Development - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/lines.html

36. Locus of attention - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/locus.html

37. Multiplicity of Mind - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/multiplicity-of-mind.html

38. Mutual relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/mutual.html

39. Needs (as qualities) - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/needs.html

40. Normal - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/normal.html

41. Oppression - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/oppression.html

42. Passion - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/passion.html

43. Perspective, point of view, lens - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/perspective.html

44. Power - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/power.html

45. Promises - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/promises.html

46. Proximal Self - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/proximal-self.html

47. Reciprocal relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/reciprocal.html

48. Relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/relationships.html

49. Requests - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/requests.html

50. Resolution (of a conflict) - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/resolution.html

51. Responsibilities - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/responsibilities.html

52. Rights - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/rights.html

53. Safe and Satisfied - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/safe.html

54. Shalom - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/shalom.html

55. Stages of Development - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/stages.html

56. Standards - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/standards.html

57. Transformation - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/transformation.html

58. Trauma - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/trauma.html

59. Trust - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/trust.html

60. Violence - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/violence.html

4. Other Maps

1. The Problem

4.1.1. Broken Maps: out of date, different territory, too simple or too complex, cognitive distortions - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/broken-maps.html

4.1.2. Conflict Aspects: resource, identity, process - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict-aspects.html

4.1.3. Conflict Intensity - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict-intensity.html

4.1.4. Conflict Stages: strategy, event, quality - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/conflict-stages.html

4.1.5. Abuse: kinds of definitions for different contexts – to condemn or to transform, in mutual or fiduciary relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/abuse-definitions.html

4.1.6. Abuse: what allows for it? Opportunity, Permission, and Motivation - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/abuse-allows.html

4.1.7. Systems of Oppression: - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/systems-of-oppression.html

2. Relationship

4.2.1. Accountability to and with in fiduciary and mutual relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/accountability-to-n-with.html

4.2.2. Agreements: demands and requests, promises and compliance - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/ maps-1/agreements-durable.html

4.2.3. Balancing Rights and Responsibilities - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/balancing-r-n-r.html

4.2.4. Bonded and Bounded - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/bonded-and-bounded.html

4.2.5. Cycle of Intimacy - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/cycle-of-intimacy.html

4.2.6. Gender constructed by culture: emotion, dominance, and aggression - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/gender-construct.html

4.2.7. Kinds of Relationships: mutual, reciprocal, fiduciary - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/kinds-of-relationships.html

4.2.8. Patterns of Conflict - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/patterns-of-conflict.html

4.2.9. Power: power over, power with, empowerment - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/power-types.html

4.2.10. Significant Relationships - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/significant-relationships.html

4.2.11. Stages of Intimacy: 1+1=3 - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/stages-of-intimacy.html

4.2.12. Victims, Perpetrators, and Bystanders - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/victims-perps.html

3. Self-awareness

4.3.1. “Bad” Feelings: hurt, fear, sadness, anger, and guilt - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/bad-feelings.html

4.3.2. Anger and Desire - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/anger-and-desire.html

4.3.3. Anxiety and the Doing cycle: when maps don’t work - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/anxiety-n-doing.html

4.3.4. Feelings: the interior domains of Sensation, Thought, Emotion and Wish. [intuition and imagination] - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/feelings-domains.html

4.3.5. Focus, Locus, and Lens - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/focus-locus-and-lens.html

4.3.6. Maps of Needs: personal, relational, and systemic - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/maps-of-needs.html

4.3.7. Orders of Self - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/orders-of-self.html

4.3.8. Stages of Development: sequential, invariant, hierarchical - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/stages-of-development.html

4.3.9. Tiers for Transformation: personal, interpersonal, intrapersonal, transpersonal - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/tiers.html

4. Technologies for intervention and transformation

4.4.1. Discipline components: intention, attention, repetition, guidance - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/discipline-components.html

4.4.2. Good Emotional Hygiene - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/good-emotional-hygiene.html

4.4.3. Language of Complaint: concerns, criticism, contempt, and control - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/language-of-complaint.html

4.4.4. Map of maps: where am I, where am I going, and how do I get there? - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/map-of-the-maps.html

4.4.5. Onions: Addressing a sticky situation - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/onions.html

4.4.6. Predicting the unwanted outcome - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/predicting-the-unwanted-outcome.html

4.4.7. Seven Steps to Addressing a problem - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/seven-steps.html

4.4.8. Stages and Styles in Conflict Resolution– Second order to Fourth order - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/stages-and-styles-in-conflict-resolution.html

4.4.9. Technologies for transformation: bridging, challenging, and modeling [resonance, rupture, and repair] - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/technologies-for-trans.html

5. Vision for who and how we might be

4.5.1. 3 A’s: Awareness, Acting in our own behalf, Accountability - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/3-as.html

4.5.2. Assertiveness: Event, Effect, Need - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/assertiveness2.html

4.5.3. Assertiveness: responsibility and control - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/assertiveness1.html

4.5.4. Curious without asking questions - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/curious-without.html

4.5.5. Fighting without Fighting - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/fighting-wo-fighting.html

4.5.6. Going High and Going Deep - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/going-high-and-going-deep.html

4.5.7. Radical Accountability - http://www.creativeconflictresolution.org/jc/maps-1/radical-accountability.html

Intensity of Conflict

The intensity of a conflict between two parties can be seen as a function of both the level of attraction each of the parties have around a given issue or context, and the level of agreement the parties have about how to look at and make meaning about the issue or event.  The greater the level of attachment to the circumstance and the greater the differences in perspective held by each party, the greater will be the felt intensity of the conflict.

As a snowflake forms as water molecules coalesce around a dust particle, so do conflicts arise as emotion gathers around an event or circumstance or issue. The context of the conflict is the particle around which it forms. The intensity of a conflict is a measure of the emotion attracted by the context. An emotion is both data and energy. When two parties attracted by the same context have the same emotional valance--that is, they have similar feelings toward the context--then the charge between the parties will take on a positive quality. They will enjoy a kind of intimacy.

If, on the other hand, the parties are attracted to the same context but have very different perspectives on the issues and circumstances, then the charge between them will take on a negative quality. They will experience greater intensity in the conflict. There will be a higher level of discord.

There are thus two kinds of variables in the formation of a conflict. One is the level of attraction or commitment to a given context for each of the parties. The other is the harmony or discord between the perspectives the parties bring to the context. Let’s look at some examples of what this might look like.

Joe loves to garden. The smell of the dirt, the fact that something beautiful or delicious comes from a tiny seed is a miracle Joe never tires of. Jane hates what gardening does to her nails.

Jane loves Pilates. She feels invigorated by the workout and over the long run it gives her more energy and confidence. Joe finds that doing Pilates makes him nauseous.

Joe and Jane love to cook. They delight in having friends over for dinner and they do an elegant tag team when the guests arrive greeting their friends and attending to dishes that are just about ready.

Joe and Jane love their boys. They are the light of their lives. But Joe thinks Jane is too hard on them about keeping their rooms clean. They are just kids. Jane thinks Joe is coddling the boys. Her dad was way more strict with her than she is with them and she is proud of her ability to keep things orderly. She wants them to grow up knowing how to take care of their things.

Joe has an attraction to gardening that isn’t shared by Jane. Jane is into Pilates and Joe isn’t. Unless one of them thinks the other should like what they like, there isn’t going to be much conflict here, but not much harmony either. These are just interests in their lives which they don’t share.

They both have a high attraction to cooking and parenting. They are able to approach cooking from the same or at least a similar perspective and it creates harmony and delight for them both. But the high level of concern they each have about parenting and the welfare of their boys together with very different perspectives about what is in their sons’ best interest results in a relatively high level of conflict between them.

Thus, the intensity of a conflict between two parties can be seen as a function of both the level of attraction each of the parties have around a given issue or context, and the level of agreement the parties have about how to look at and make meaning about the issue or event. I have given some thought to how to write this function mathematically, but I don’t remember enough about trigonometry to know quite how to do it. Suffice it to say that the emotional valance in a given relationship around a given issue or context can be seen as positive or negative in varying degrees depending on how much each party cares about the issue and how much harmony there appears to be between the perspectives each party takes toward the issue.

If we are to build effective strategies to resolve conflict it becomes important that we notice what it is that constructs the sense of discord or harmony in the relationship. For example:

Around the issue of women choosing to end pregnancies through abortion:

If a man adopts a posture that such an action is murder and the emotion he brings to the issue is heightened by a strong sense that he is acting on behalf of God and a belief that his mother would have terminated her pregnancy when she was carrying him had she had that option; then he is going to have a very strong emotional valance and a very clearly defined perspective.

If then in his community a group of people who very strongly value a woman’s right to choose decide they will open an abortion clinic, they will find themselves in an intense conflict with the man. Both parties have a high level of commitment to the issues and very different perspectives on how to address it. In the absence of other ways to address the high level of discord, the man may decide to picket the clinic.

del.icio.us Tags: conflict,conflict intensity,discord

Dominance

Dominance is a quality of a relationship which is created when one party takes on the right to make decisions which impact the common interest of the relationship without the agreement of the other party or parties.

It is quite common for people in a relationship, especially one which has some history, to divide the responsibilities on the basis of ability or interest so that everyone does not have to be troubled with all of the decision-making.  This is efficient and usually people are grateful to those who take special responsibility onto themselves on behalf of others.

In some instances, however, one person will claim the right to make certain decisions without the consent or agreement of others.  This is an act of dominance.  It creates a circumstance of domination.  This is not the same as dominion which may be a responsibility created as a result of a fiduciary relationship.

del.icio.us Tags: dominance,fiduciary

Violence

Violence is a quality of an action in which

• harm is clearly done to another and
• the actor knew or had reason to know that the choice
• would be harmful and
• contrary to the law or other socially permitted behavior.

We all from time to time make choices which take on the quality of abuse, that is, which use the power we have over another to meet our needs at their expense.  When that abuse is so severe that it is clearly harmful to another, we had reason know it would do harm, and was in violation of the law or other social norms, then we have committed a violation of appropriate behavior…we have committed violence.

del.icio.us Tags: violence,abuse

Intimacy

Intimacy is a quality of a relationship which is greater the more the parties know each other and feel known by each other.  This includes knowing not only what each other is doing, but also what is going on in the internal domains of sensations, thoughts, emotions, and wishes of each other.

A second understanding of intimacy comes from the relationship each party has to issues or circumstances in their common life.  If they share a similar commitment to the same activity, issue, or context, they will experience a form of intimacy.

We sometimes use intimacy to mean physical intimacy.  Let us differentiate between sex and intimacy and use sex to refer to the physical aspects of intimacy and use the separate term intimacy to refer to the emotional dimensions of a close relationship.

It is possible to assess for the level of intimacy in a relationship by asking one person what is going on with the other and then confirming with the other whether that feels true.  If each is unable to state what is going on with the other in such a way that each feels known, then we can assume a relatively low level of intimacy.

It is possible to assess for the second kind of intimacy by discovering what interests the parties share and assessing if they have common values and understandings of the shared issue.  For example, parents may have a shared commitment in the welfare of a child and work together on behalf of the child, thus generating a kind of intimacy between them.  If, on the other hand they see the needs of the child very differently this may be a source of intense conflict.  [see conflict intensity]

del.icio.us Tags: intimacy,relationship,sex